The Beginning of the Armadillos

by Rudyard Kipling, Nobel Prize for Literature winner, 1902. Here a modernized ver of one of the Just So Stories

There was a Stickly-Prickly Hedgehog. He lived on the banks of the muddy Amazon river in South America, eating shelly snails and things. And he had a friend. A Slow-Solid Tortoise, who lived on the banks of the Amazon, eating green lettuces and things.

At the same time, there was a Painted Jaguar. He lived on the banks of the Amazon too. And he ate everything that he could catch. When he could not catch deer or monkeys he would eat frogs and beetles. When he could not catch frogs and beetles he went to his Mother Jaguar. She told him how to eat hedgehogs and tortoises.

She said to him, ever so many times, 'My son, when you find a Hedgehog you must drop him into the water and then he will uncoil. When you catch a Tortoise you must scoop him out of his shell with your paw.'

One beautiful night on the banks of the Amazon, Painted Jaguar found Stickly- Prickly Hedgehog and Slow-Solid Tortoise sitting under the trunk of a fallen tree. They could not run away. So Stickly-Prickly curled himself up into a ball, because he was a Hedgehog. Slow-Solid Tortoise drew in his head and feet into his shell as far as they would go, because he was a Tortoise.

'Now listen to me,' said Painted Jaguar. 'This is very important. My mother said that when I meet a Hedgehog I am to drop him into the water and then he will uncoil. When I meet a Tortoise I am to scoop him out of his shell with my paw. Now which of you is Hedgehog and which is Tortoise? To save my spots, I can't tell.'

'Are you sure of what your Mummy told you?' said Stickly- Prickly Hedgehog. 'Are you quite sure? Perhaps she said that when you uncoil a Tortoise you must shell him out the water with a scoop. When you paw a Hedgehog you must drop him on the shell.'

'Are you sure of what your Mummy told you?' said Slow and Solid Tortoise. 'Are you quite sure? Perhaps she said that when you water a Hedgehog you must drop him into your paw. When you meet a Tortoise you must shell him till he uncoils.'

'I don't think it was at all like that,' said Painted Jaguar. But he felt a little puzzled. 'But, please, say it again more distinctly.'

'When you scoop water with your paw you uncoil it with a Hedgehog,' said Stickly- Prickly. 'Remember that, because it's important.'

'But,' said the Tortoise, 'when you paw your meat you drop it into a Tortoise with a scoop. Why can't you understand?'

'You are making my spots ache,' said Painted Jaguar. 'Besides, I didn't want your advice at all. I only wanted to know which of you is Hedgehog and which is Tortoise.'

'I shan't tell you,' said Stickly- Prickly. 'But you can scoop me out of my shell if you like.'

'Aha!' said Painted Jaguar. 'Now I know you're Tortoise. You thought I wouldn't! Now I will.' Painted Jaguar darted out his paddy-paw just as Stickly-Prickly curled himself up. Of course, Jaguar's paw was filled with prickles. Worse than that, he knocked Stickly-Prickly away and away into the woods and the bushes, where it was too dark to find him.

Then he put his paddy-paw into his mouth. The prickles hurt him worse than ever. As soon as he could speak he said, 'Now I know he isn't Tortoise at all. But'- and then he scratched his head with his un-prickly paw- 'how do I know that this other is Tortoise?'

'But I am Tortoise,' said Slow and Solid. Your mother was quite right. She said that you were to scoop me out of my shell with your paw. Begin.'

'You didn't say she said that a minute ago, said Painted Jaguar. He was sucking the prickles out of his paw. 'You said she said something quite different.'

'Well, suppose you say that I said that she said something quite different. I don't see that it makes any difference. If she said what you said I said she said, it's just the same as if I said what she said she said. On the other hand, if you think she said that you were to uncoil me with a scoop, instead of pawing me into drops with a shell, I can't help that, can I?'

'But you said you wanted to be scooped out of your shell with my paw,' said Painted Jaguar.

'If you'll think again you'll find that I didn't say anything of the kind. I said that your mother said that you were to scoop me out of my shell,' said Slow and Solid.

'What will happen if I do?' said the Jaguar most sniffily and most cautious.

'I don't know, because I've never been scooped out of my shell before. I tell you truly, if you want to see me swim away you've only got to drop me into the water.

'I don't believe it,' said Painted Jaguar. 'You've mixed up all the things my mother told me to do with the things that you asked me whether I was sure that she didn't say. Now I don't know whether I'm on my head or my painted tail. Now you come and tell me something I can understand, and it makes me more mixy (mixed-up) than before. My mother told me that I was to drop one of you two into the water. You seem so anxious to be dropped so I think you don't want to be dropped. So jump into the muddy Amazon and be quick about it.'

'I warn you that your Mummy won't be pleased. Don't tell her I didn't tell you,' said Slow- Solid.

'If you say another word about what my mother said...' the Jaguar answered. He had not finished the sentence before Slow and Solid quietly dived into the turbid Amazon. Slow and Solid swam under water for a long way and came out on the bank where Stickly-Prickly was waiting for him.

'That was a very narrow escape,' said Stickly-Prickly. 'What did you tell him that you were?'

'I told him truthfully that I was a truthful tortoise, but he wouldn't believe it. He made me jump into the river to see if I was, and I was. He is surprised. Now he's gone to tell his Mummy. Listen to him!'

They could hear Painted Jaguar roaring up and down among the trees and the bushes by the side of the turbid Amazon, till his Mummy came.

'Son, son!' said his mother ever so many times, graciously waving her tail. 'What have you been doing that you shouldn't have done?'

'I tried to scoop something that said it wanted to be scooped out of its shell with my paw. Now my paw is full of prickles,' said Painted Jaguar.

'Son, son!' said his mother ever so many times, graciously waving her tail. 'By the prickles in your paw, I see that that must have been a Hedgehog. You should have dropped him into the water.

'I did that to the other thing. He said he was a tortoise. I didn't believe him, but it was quite true. He has dived under the turbid Amazon, and he won't come up again. I haven't anything at all to eat. Also, I think we had better find lodgings somewhere else. They are too clever on the Amazon for poor me!'

'Son, son!' said his mother ever so many times, graciously waving her tail. 'Now listen to me! Remember what I say. A Hedgehog curls himself up into a ball. His prickles stick out every which way at once. By this you may know the Hedgehog.'

'I don't like this old lady one little bit,' said Stickly-Prickly, under the shadow of a large leaf. 'I wonder what else she knows?'

'A tortoise can't curl himself up,' Mother Jaguar went on. 'He only draws his head and legs into his shell. By this you may know the tortoise.'

'I don't like this old lady at all, at all,' said Slow and Solid Tortoise. 'Even Painted Jaguar can't forget those directions. It's a great pity that you can't swim, Stickly- Prickly.'

'Don't talk to me,' said Stickly- Prickly. 'Just think how much better it would be if you could curl up. This is a mess! Listen to Painted Jaguar.'

Painted Jaguar was sitting on the banks of the turbid Amazon sucking prickles out of his paws and saying to himself:

'Can't curl, but can swim: Slow- Solid, that's him! Curls up, but can't swim: Stickly-Prickly, that's him!'

'He'll never forget that this,' said Stickly-Prickly. 'Hold up my chin, Slow and Solid. I'm going to try to learn to swim. It may be useful.'

'Excellent!' said Slow and Solid. He held up Stickly-Prickly's chin, while Stickly-Prickly kicked in the waters of the muddy Amazon.

'You'll make a fine swimmer yet,' said Slow and Solid. 'Now, can you unlace my back-plates a little? I'll see what I can do towards curling up. It may be useful.'

Stickly-Prickly helped to unlace Tortoise's back-plates, so that by twisting and straining Slow and Solid actually managed to curl up a tiddy wee bit.

'Excellent!' said Stickly-Prickly. 'But, I shouldn't do any more just now. It's making you black in the face. Kindly lead me into the water once again. I'll practice that side-stroke which you say is so easy.'

Stickly-Prickly practiced, and Slow-Solid swam alongside.

'Excellent!' said Slow and Solid. 'A little more practice will make you a regular whale. Now, if I may trouble you to unlace my back and front plates two holes more. I'll try that fascinating bend that you say is so easy. Won't Painted Jaguar be surprised!'

'Excellent!' said Stickly- Prickly. He was all wet from the Amazon. 'I declare, I shouldn't know you from one of my own family. Two holes, I think, you said? A little more expression, please! And don't grunt quite so much, or Painted Jaguar may hear us. When you've finished, I want to try that long dive which you say is so easy. Won't Painted Jaguar be surprised!'

And so Stickly-Prickly dived, and Slow and Solid dived alongside.

'Excellent!' said Slow and Solid. 'A little more attention to holding your breath and you will be able to keep house at the bottom of the Amazon. Now I'll try that exercise of putting my hind legs round my ears which you say is so peculiarly comfortable. Won't Painted Jaguar be surprised!'

'Excellent!' said Stickly- Prickly. 'But it's straining your back-plates a little. They are all overlapping now, instead of lying side by side.'

'Oh, that's the result of exercise,' said Slow and Solid. 'I've noticed that your prickles seem to be melting into one another. You're growing to look rather more like a pinecone, and less like a chestnut-burr, than you used to.'

'Am I?' said Stickly- Prickly. 'That comes from my soaking in the water. Oh, won't Painted Jaguar be surprised!'

They went on with their exercises, each helping the other, till morning came. When the sun was high in the sky, they rested and dried themselves. Then they saw that they were both of them quite different from what they had been.

'Stickly-Prickly,' said Tortoise after breakfast, 'I am not what I was yesterday. But — I think that I may yet amuse Painted Jaguar.

'That was the very thing I was thinking just now,' said Stickly- Prickly. 'I think scales are a tremendous improvement on prickles. To say nothing of being able to swim. Oh, won't Painted Jaguar be surprised! Let's go and find him.'

By and by they found Painted Jaguar, still nursing his paw that had been hurt the night before. He was so astonished that he fell three times backward over his own painted tail without stopping.

'Good morning!' said Stickly-Prickly. 'And how is your dear gracious mummy this morning?'

'She is quite well, thank you,' said Painted Jaguar. 'But you must forgive me if I do not at this precise moment recall your name.'

'That's unkind of you,' said Stickly- Prickly, 'seeing that this time yesterday you tried to scoop me out of my shell with your paw.'

'But you hadn't any shell. It was all prickles,' said Painted Jaguar. 'I know it was. Just look at my paw!'

'You told me to drop into the turbid Amazon and be drowned,' said Slow-Solid. 'Why are you so rude and forgetful today?'

'Don't you remember what your mother told you?' said Stickly- Prickly: 'Can't curl but can swim, Stickly-Prickly, that's him! Curls up but can't swim, Slow-Solid, that's him!'

Then they both curled themselves up and rolled round and round Painted Jaguar till his eyes turned truly cart-wheels in his head.

Then he went to fetch his mother.

'Mother,' he said. 'There are two new animals in the woods today. The one that you said couldn't swim, swims. The one that you said couldn't curl up, curls. And they've gone shares in their prickles, I think, because both of them are scaly all over, instead of one being smooth and the other very prickly. Besides that, they are rolling round and round in circles, and I don't feel comfy.'

'Son, son!' said Mother Jaguar ever so many times, graciously waving her tail, 'a hedgehog is a hedgehog, and can't be anything but a hedgehog. A tortoise is a tortoise, and can never be anything else.'

'But it isn't a hedgehog, and it isn't a tortoise. It's a little bit of both, and I don't know its proper name.'

'Nonsense!' said Mother Jaguar. 'Everything has its proper name. I should call it "Armadillo" till I found out the real one. And I should leave it alone.'

So Painted Jaguar did as he was told, especially about leaving them alone. But the curious thing is that, from that day to this, no one on the banks of the turbid Amazon has ever called Stickly-Prickly and Slow-Solid anything except armadillo. There are hedgehogs and tortoises in other places, of course. In fact there are some in my garden in England. But the real old and clever kind, with their scales lying lippety-lappety one over the other, like pine-cone scales, that lived on the banks of the Amazon in the old days, are always called armadillos, because they were so clever.

So that; all right, Best Beloved. Do you see?